New topic for Debate

With current brouhaha over the Setusamudram Project, We came up with the fabulous idea of a new debate on

"Do mythological/religious sentiments matter over development efforts? "


Send in your entries on the topic to chowktalk@gmail.com

Dr Sweta Singh, Firmly Against the Motion

Being romantically comitted at 17yrs of age doesnt make sense :
Doesnt it though? why not? my mom was married wen she was 16,as she keeps reminding me ;) but that was 'marriage'...today,i wonder how teens would define 'commitment'...i really do..cos we all have different opinions regarding what 'we' think is comittment. for instant...in Europe ,most married men have a mistress, but they're still 'comitted'...cos theyre wives r usually aware of the scenario...and dont fight it.they are in fact,by their own admission,'happily married"!...
In India...the of dok saabs times[hehe...kiddin ;o)i meant waaaay before eg:mughal times] i doubt there was a thing called 'open relationship'.yes,the "big" ppl did have affairs,whole harems full of concubines in fact..but even that was not considered infidelity..just routine...women understood the inherent promiscuity of men and well...indulged it...but...no divorce,separation etc.
today...commitment...had to define.for the teens who commit...here lemme say that by commitment i mean a mutual agreement made out of intense affection, not to be um...shall we say unfaithful..to another person for the duration of the current relationship.

u c? no promises of permanence. so...why not?why not 'commit'?this is do-able.the teen fulfills his/her emotional,physical,mental,intellectual,n blah watever needs without the burden of marriage...and in laws and kids [no offense,i was a kid once,an unholy terror] added to this is the fact that if u not part of a couple ur uncool. who needs the added peer pressures? kids today have enough to deal with...isnt it awesome that they have someone to help them out and someone who needs them in turn? is a steady relationship at 17yrs bad o is a snorting dope at a night club st the same age,alone n single bad? u choose.

kids today are v. mature...mostly cos of the explosive increase in exposure. so wat if sex ed is banned? u think kids today r not savvy enough to find out whats going on with their bodies? have the govt. heard of a lil thing called GOOGLE perchance?

no promises of permanence. such is the case with life. n with marriages today as well. v dont match after 10yrs of marriage lets divorce. fine. to each his own mode of attaining joy. heck u get one life...b happy. just dont hurt anyone.
commitment today at 17? understandable. todays kids...v.v.sad.
having a partner...always nice. love? also always nice.
but a warning...know when the relationship is harming u/partner...have the wisdom then to reach a civilized closure. another mutual understanding.
sweta.

Siddhartha Rastogi's POV-- Neither For Nor Against

As I was expecting, being romantically committed at 17 must make and does make sense to people of 17 only. Anyways... before getting down to my arguments, a disclaimer: All the points that I make are from a boy's side, strictly for two reasons - first, I have never been a girl - at least so far; and second, I still don't understand an iota of what women want. Next - I am neither for nor against the motion. I'm on both the sides loosely,so my arguments can be categorized as loose motion.
well.... I tend to agree with Sid that its not about physical charm, or lust so to say, only. There is something very deep and intrinsic about sharing everything with a girl and especially, getting her approval pampers aspiring men more thoroughly than the same act by parents or by other male friends can do.
And Doksaab, may be, just - may be, during older times, there was a not-so-busy family and a number of siblings and cousins and neighborhood friends to take care of many a emotional needs, and not only that but also the interaction with non-relative females of the same age group was so much limited and usually not thought of that that such commitments were not even possible usually.
But today, when such familial bondings and support systems are almost non-existent and when there are ample chances of interaction with opposite sex, there is obviously an increased opportunity as well as need of a close companion of opposite sex.
But here only my agreement with the line of arguments of Basu breaks down. Sid, you are missing the entire topic by one word, i.e. - 'Romantic'. I agree that at such a crucial and confused stage of life, one needs a support and a close companion to share every thing of past, present, and future. And opposite sex is always preferable for intimacy - at least, I have been more comfortable with girls, strictly for two reasons - first, there is no fear of competition - even if they beat me hands down; and second, they don't swear, abuse, fight, stink, smoke and so on.
But why on earth that relationship, that companionship has to be Romantic? And on top of that, Romantic Commitment? At an age, when half the people don't understand the meaning of love and almost none understand the difference of love and infatuation, not that they understand later on, but nonetheless, why does one have to involve 'romantically'?? Personally, I have been friends with many girls, and I made closer friends with girls, usually for the aforementioned reasons only (I sincerely don't know yet why girls were keen on friendship with me) and my experience says there is nothing bad about friendship, and even close friendship, with girls. In fact, I have learnt a lot and still learn from my female friends.
And just to conclude - I absolutely agree with close friendship with opposite sex at any age but would suggest to wait till you understand the meaning and subtle nuances of romance, commitment, romantic commitments, and the responsibilities that come along.

Siddhartha Basu's POV- - Firmly Against the motion.

Relationship.....it's a big word with a lot of implications.It signifies a variety of emotions.It might indicate utter chaos or blissful existance.But what is the need of a relationship ? Ever since his existance man needed somebody to be with him throughout.Somebody he could confide in,somebody who would stand by him when needed and more importantly somebody who would beleive in him.Therefore he is in the constant lookout for people who he beleieves would compliment his existance.Moreover it is imperative to understand that relationships for me signify a symbiotic origin.Both the partners are equally important.

As Dok Saab himself said " Till early adolescence the child seeks all the four social needs through parents and same sex friends...namely tenderness,companionship

,acceptance,intimacy ".I will completely agree.However my question is,what happens if somebody is denied,what i will call his natural needs ? Just look around and you will know what i mean ! Today parents hardly have time for their children.They are busy earning just because their wards might have a life that they only dreamt of.With time the communication gap is ever increasing.Today the teens are expected to work extra hard so that they might brighten their future prospects.With back breaking work comes tension and stress.In in a country like India where sharing our feelings is not exactly encouraged the teens are emotioanlly very vunerable.They need someone to talk to.Sharing our feelings within the same sex is very difficult so naturally this is where the concept of teenage relationships come in.

People need to understand that we teens are more concerned about our lives than we seem.We are aware of the problems thate exist and we are more than capable of handling it ourselves.When it is expected of us to make a decision concerning our careers at this age(something which will decide our future) how is it that the older generations garner that we will be unable to decide for ourselves what is needed to maintain a healthy relationship at this age.

I totally agree that with experience comes the ability to make impeccable decisions.But can somebody tell me how does experience come from ? It comes from making your own mistakes and learning through them.Why is it expected of us to live our lives based on the escapades of somebody else ? On one side we advocate free thinking however on the other we are so clamped up and rigid.Why is it that we do not shun or prejudices and rather than being ignorant of the worlds around us open upto it.

Today that general mentality is that a teenage relationship is just about sex.People it is not.A majority of the relationships are not physical.For us teenagers a partner is symbolic of someone who we can open upto.Someone who will help us get rid of the worries we are overburdened with.There are things which cannot be shared with our parents and friends,it is here that a girlfriend or a boyfriend comes in.It may start with an imfactuation but it grows to be more serious over the time.And tell me are all adult relationships happy ? Most divorces are the result of relationships in the workplace or in colleges.It is only and only because of the reason that they rush into it.Teenage relationships helps us to understand the opposite sex better.It is more like a mutual game.

The people must understand that we are different from what we seem.Just because of certain sporadic instances u can't label the whole of us.How can u generalise your opinion just because of certain cases in the limelight ? If that is the case i should go on to say that if being in the news is concerned then i guess it's not teenage relationships but adult ones that need to be re-analysed.

For most of us relationships are like a conviction to do better.We strive hard to excel.Relationships do not breed in us insecurity but a spirit of competition.

Somethings are hard to explain.People who have grown out of our age lack the outlook we have.Today teens are mature beyond their years.They have seen and heard much.They know what is good for them and what they exactly need to do,to have something they can fall back upon in their future.

I know you are concerned about us and all u want is good for us.....

BUT ALL I WANT TO SAY IS LET US LEARN FROM OUR OWN MISTAKES........

Dr M. K. Singh standing FOR the motion

Romeo was 16 and Juliet, 13, when they fell in love. Their love story is one of the most fabled love story, but with what a tragic end. Both committed suicide.
Ms Moderator and My dear friends!!.
The topic on the floor of the house (or should we say, on the pages of the blog) is
"Being Romantically Committed At 17 Does Not Make Sense !!!"
and I am here presenting my views for the motion.
My opponents may not see the view from my angle, because from the height of experience I am looking at the topic, they can not fathom at this stage of their lives.
Love is the most revered, most beautiful emotion of all human emotions. No one can ever be against love.I too am not against love. But I am against being committed in a teenage crush or Puppy love.
Love has varying meaning at different stages of life. The nature and intensity of love changes as one matures from childhood to adulthood. This change (of nature of love) is because of the changing social needs of the child as she grows. During infancy the child needs only tenderness, which she gets from her mother. Later the needs add like companionship during childhood, acceptance during juvenile age, intimacy during early adolescence and sexuality during late adolescence and adulthood. Till early adolescence the child seeks all the four social needs through parents and same sex friends. But when the need of sexuality arises, all the five needs are sought in the romantic associations.
Earlier than eighteen they may confuse intimacy, acceptance, companionship and tenderness as Love, and become committed, but at this young age a person in not so much psychologically mature that they can understand the consequences of being committed. What they thinks is love, may not be love, just a crush, or what we call as puppy love. They get attracted towards some extraneous features of their loved one, like that dimple when she smiles, which tend to loose the charm after a period of time. But by the time they realize , its usually too late. The time has gone past, and the poor lover is left alone, broken and disheartened.
My advice to my teenage friends is that they have but few more steps towards adulthood. They must build a foundation for themselves that is strong so that it doesn't crumble later on. Don't be very possessive or obsessive with your love life. Just move on. Don't be committed Buy time with your love, see whether this relationship stands the test of time. Know that for a relationship to stand the test of time, both partners need to adjust to the lifestyles of each other. First strive to attain financial independence, which is most important in the context of relationships.
Adolescence and teenage is a period when you are being prepared to enter adulthood. So you can experiment but without being committed romantically, as that will bring unforeseen troubles. I can site several examples of teens ruining their career because of love and later repenting.
Thank You